:)
There is perhaps nothing more beautiful than knowing that beautiful love exists out there. Even if it hasn’t quite found you yet. I have in the last 48 hours been distraught, upset, cranky, moody, snappy. No, I don’t have PMS. Just heartbroken. Again. For no new reason except events that have caused me to rehash chapters that should have closed months ago. And it hurts me just as it did when I was 16 getting over my first big crush.
To know that there is no way of knowing what is supposed to be right or wrong, to know that there is no way of knowing whether you are/were making the right decision (and no decision is a decision, after all). Its hard. Especially if you’re the kind of person who is as stupidly thick skinned on the outside as she is fragile on the inside, and refuses to take anyone’s emotional help except those in her innermost circle - and hence tends to fall apart twice as much as is necessary. Especially when she loses someone in that inner circle.
But I’m still standing here, and there are two solid reasons:
1. I have an amazing support structure. My friends, my family, even those I know through social networks alone (you know who you are) will WhatsApp me, Tweet me, FB inbox me, text me just as I need it. How does this happen? How do friends intuitively pick that moment to say hi? I have to believe that is karma at work. And for that selfish reason alone I am never going to forsake these lovely human beings in times of need.
2. I have seen love blossom through the roughest of circumstances. So ok, I was hoping that would be my story too. And yes, for every great love story, I have also witnessed my friends - both male and female - go through break ups that wrenched my heart just sitting on the outside. But there is something about seeing my loved ones get together with their special partners despite hell and high water. It makes you believe, Goddamit. And if you believe, you can smile again. :)
Yesterday, a gentleman who I am particularly fond of and who is particularly good at putting a positive spin on things happened to be my self nominated sounding board for a where-is-the-love vent. I started with an innocent “whats up?” SMS (yeah, he had no idea what I was roping him into!) And he replied “just at home watching a game, sharing a couch with my very sick girl”.
See that? That, right there. I didn’t even need the rest of the vent. I just signed off with a “If you want to help me, be happy, and take care of her. I need to believe and see good strong true love right now.”
That’s what he’s probably doing right now. And this weekend, he will inevitably fall sick when he goes out. And she will look after him. And I will fall in love with both of them. Oh, I could hug them both for just being themselves.
